Tag Archives: christian

Super Kids: The Final Chapter

21 Jan

FOUND:

Commander Kellie & the Superkids

The Sword (VHS) (1997)


Kellie Copeland as Commander Kellie
Ryan Brockington as Paul   
Elizabeth Stewart as Missy
Jenny Van Wagner as Valerie
Stephen Glenn as Rapper
Joel Davis as Alex
Kenneth Copeland as Daniel Lyon
General Dread as Derek Southers
Professor Timothean as Dennis O’Neill  (the casting director)
 

The last adventure of Super Kids! Every movie starts with small talk, you know, to introduce the characters. Rapper apparently thinks footballers are sissys in pads. I thought he said something else. It’s a lively conversation, until “Buzzkill” Valerie butts in.

NME is at it again of course. Something about them creating a super weapon called “The Sword”, and the kids of the world are being lied to. General Fear is a bad dude, and his sword machine is not to be trifled with.

And Major Dread is just a big stupid evil teddy bear.

How could you be scared of this guy

Last movie, Paul (Ryan Brockington) was the main star, and I would say Valerie (Jenny Van Wagner) was showcased in this movie. She got the solos, and she got the “I’m-a-more-awesome-Christian-than-all-y’all” lines to read.

Valerie vs. General Fear’s sword machine

Jenny Van Wagner still works for the church. She’s on facebook if you care.

With the Super Kids quickly becoming not kids, there were a lot of little kids in this movie. Come on Jesus, lay down the child labor laws.

There was a seemingly random exchange in the beginning between Commander Kellie and a young Russia girl. She shows up, they speak Russian… then she leaves. Strange.

Then I remembered that the last movie had a rather ugly Russian woman as part of NME’s team. She was straight out of some cold war propaganda movie, only worse.

 I’m thinking little Natasha (is that really the only name they could come up with?) was some cleanup after the Copeland’s received some flack for their offensive stereotype.

 Especially since right after little Natasha leaves, a little boy walks up… “Kellie, does Jesus speak Russian?”

 Kellie should have back handed the stupid out of that kid. What kind of question is that?! No,  he’s still saving up for Rosetta Stone.

 “Yes, yes, we know Russians can be Christians. okay? Can you stop sending letters now, please?”

So the excitement continues as a new cadet is introduced to the Super Kids! Only the girls are bummed, because C.J. is yet another boy cadet. No one new to shop with <sob>

Or is he?….

Some kind of Elec…tronic Destruc…tive.. De..vice

Oh those baseball caps. They’ll get you every time.

Not too spoil it for you, but C.J. is a spy from NME. You see? She’s sneaky. With the boy disguise and the bad acting… she is up to no good.

Next, the NME has a brilliant plan. They create fake super kids, that General Fear dubs the “Fake Super Kids”.

Fake Super Kids

I can’t quite figure out what we are supposed to think of them. Are they making fun of the super kids? Are they supposed to be dancing in an evil way somehow? The choreography is off, is that a sin?

As far as parody Captains go, Kathryn Janeway (or I guess they call her Kate Mulgrew now), wins that one with her role in NTSF:SD:SUV.

Good god that show is funny.

Kate, you'll always be my only Captain

But I digress…

The Super Kids and some new lil’ Super Kids fight back, and destroy the Sword machine. Then C.J. tries to kill Commander Kellie, but fails after her dad sacrifices himself.  Finally C.J. joins the Super Kids and God wins, yay.

Look how cute these lil’ Super Kids are!

You know, I looked into this Super Kids manual book, and have you read this thing?! It’s disgusting!

“Hey Caleb, here’s today’s verse from the Super Kids manual”
“Ezekiel twenty three, twenty. There she lusted after her lovers, whose genitals were like those of donkeys and whose emission was like that of horses.”
“Hmm. You know, let’s try Dr. Suess.”

The songs in this movie made me fall asleep, so I’m not even going to post them.

Goodbye Super Kids, you’ve filled our lives with.. um.. well, goodbye Super Kids.

See us out Rapper!

wait, was that a boob glance?
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Super Kids… they grow up so fast.

18 Sep

FOUND:

Commander Kellie & the Superkids

Armor of Light (VHS) (1995)


Kellie Copeland as Commander Kellie
Ryan Brockington as Paul   
Elizabeth Stewart as Missy
Jenny Van Wagner as Valerie
Stephen Glenn as Rapper
Joel Davis as Alex
Kenneth Copeland as Daniel Lyon
Mylon LeFevre as Darkmaster

Another exciting adventure of Super Kids! They grow up so fast.

Intro

You might remember my last post, where we are introduced to NME (the bad guys), and Super Kids helping the lost musician (Carman) find his way to God.

Now, they are fighting much evil-er (?) dudes. Thank goodness Daniel Lyon (get it), played by Kellie’s dad, Kenneth Copeland, is there to help! Kenneth plays his version of the most badass guy he can think of. Which just makes him seem pretty ridiculous.

This video features a lot of Paul (Ryan Brockington), which is fine by me. I like Paul. He’s an okay guy, who rides motocross bikes and sings solos.

Paul serenades Darkmaster in his giant sweatershirt

And even better, we get to hear The Rapper (Stephen Glenn) finally get to prove to us why he deserves his namesake. Listen up Super Kids, he’s got a rhyme. It’s funky, it’s fresh, and it’s right on time!

The Rapper Raps (and Paul dances in his giant sweatershirt)

The ending scenes with Darkmaster, Paul and David Lyon have this Star Wars feel to them. SPOILER ALERT! Finding out Darkmaster and David Lyon are actually brothers. And Darkmaster’s computerized raspy evil voice comes to an end when Paul lifts his helmet off his head, redeeming him. I don’t know… I’m a big geek, so maybe I’m reading too much into it. After all, I did compare Commander Kellie to Captain Janeway in my last post 😛

It’s a big cheesy happy good time ending, with Darkmaster and David Lyon becoming friends in about 3 minutes. And then sharing a duet.

End of Armor of Light in all it’s Christian Cheesefest Glory

My favorite part of watching these old videos is trying to find out what these child actors are doing now.

Ryan Brockington is on youtube and is a Music Blogger with the NY Post’s PopWrap. Below is his hosting video.

And after MUCH internet sleuthing, I’m excited I finally found a casting page for Stephen Glenn (The Rapper). Someone give this guy some work! He’s got skillz.

Can we still call you The Rapper?

I believe I have one more Super Kids video in my thrift store finds box. So stay tuned!

What’s that? You want even more Armor of Light? Alright… if you say so.

The NME = Valley girls, Jocks, Drug Users, Gays, and Commies?

Super Kids sing. Choreography replaced by a ladder.

McGee and me! Joe Dammann is okay, Shaylisa is nice, but Whit Hertford is awesome

14 Aug

I claim to be a child of the “christian 90’s”. So what kind of blogger would I be without a post about McGee and Me?  It was just a matter of time really…

FOUND:

The New Adventures McGee and me!

In the Nick of Time (ep. 10) (1992)



Joe Dammann will always just be Nick to me. I remember watching the “New Adventures” for the first time, as a pre-teen, and wondering..”Oh no, is that what turning into a teenager looks like?!”

Thanks to McGee and me I truly feared God and puberty.  Joe seems to be doing more behind the scene work, voice over, and smaller part stuff, but still in the biz.

joe dammann

Far too many M's and N's in your name Sir

Joe’s Facebook – maybe he will be your friend. I’m sure he won’t find it weird or anything.

Whit Hertford plays nerdy little Philip. He was always my favorite. Plus, I was a big Full House fan as a kid (don’t judge), so I knew him as ‘duck face’ as well. He’s a ‘unique’ looking fella, and a Mormon to boot. Well, occurding to the LDS website they claimed him as a LDS celebrity. I guess they define celebrity loosely. Heck, I guess I know who he is.

I hadn’t heard of him in years, then all of a sudden I was watching Glee (which I never watch), and the choreographer for the episode looked awfully familiar. Then I realized, Hey! That’s Whitby!

He’s using the internet like a madman, making videos (Funny or Die), being on late night, and having several websites full of funny stuff. Check out his tumblr.

Shaylisa Hurte starred as Renee, Nick’s only girl friend. She was okay I guess. I didn’t find her all that interesting, but her parents were divorced (shocking!).

Nowadays she can help you sell your house.

New Adventures McGee and me Intro

McGee and me  – edited the way I want

Of all the Christian videos for kids, I found McGee and Me to be the least annoying, and more professionally done. I didn’t realize until now that they were produced by Focus on the Family. I can’t stand Focus on the Family, so it kinda sucks to know I actually enjoyed something they had a hand in.

McGee and Me had a bunch of awkward kids, that made even me seem cool at the time. There are a lot of Bible verses, and a moral lesson to learn in every video of course. They aren’t so bad, for a Christian kid series anyways.

And actually had some talented kid actors that went on to do other things.

Next…  More SuperKids

Teaching kids to speak in tongues

10 Aug

Found:

Super Church – Puppet Skits 1 (1993)

I wasn’t expecting anything too interesting from a tape of puppet skits. But for 25 cents, why not check it out. Curiosity always seems to get the better of me.

This is a tape of puppet skits created by Mark Harper of Mark Harper Ministries. He sells all types of media and curriculum for childrens ministries. What he calls “relevant spirit-filled curriculum”.

The tape consists of 6 puppet skits:

* Sally Takes a Stand          * Robby Gets Saved         * Laugh at the Devil

* Robby Loses his Chicken   * Robby Learns to Witness     * Jimmy skips Church

Mark currently works at Living Word Christian Center in Minneapolis. They put great importance on speaking in tongues.

Every believer should be filled with the Holy Spirit, with speaking in tongues as the initial physical evidence.  – http://www.lwcc.org

I’ve never participated in this, and neither did any of the churches I attended in the past, but I find it fascinating. And it was very strange to hear a puppet play that taught kids how to do it!

Robby Loses his Chicken

There was also a skit teaching kids to laugh at their troubles. I have to say, it was a little disturbing. I guess the idea is, when you are feeling down, it’s the devils fault. So instead of trying to solve the problem, you should pretend you are happy. In time, God will help you (?).  I’m not sure if teaching kids to wear a “happy mask” is exactly healthy.

Laugh at the Devil

Let us pray for the prayer we will pray

6 Aug

FOUND:

Lost in Silver Canyon (VHS) (1990)

lost in silver canyon video

Starring:

Vittorio Aversano as the old prospector/mime
David Mook as the preacher
DeWitt Jones as Sam Starr
Vanessa Baker as Vanessa
Joe Kimpel as Joe
Wes Baker as Dad
Rebecca Baker as Mom

Lost in Silver Canyon is bad. I mean, really bad. It’s the story of two preacher kids going to camp, who get left alone at the ghost town Silver Canyon.

Oh, but surprise! It’s not them that is lost. Oh no. It’s the old mime-turned-mine prospector that is truly lost, because he doesn’t have Jesus as his personal savior. Maybe these kids will help him out somehow?

At first watching, I felt like everyone in this movie had a mental disorder. There’s the mentally challenged detective, the young girl with childhood schizophrenia, the sociopathic boy, and I can’t quite pinpoint what’s wrong with the mime. But does anyone really know what’s wrong with Mimes?

After a second sitting (the entire 70min!), I felt like I learned something.

1. Apparently True Christians don’t know what “fun” means.

2. True Christians pray every 10 minutes, about everything.

3. When True Christians speak, 23.5% of the conversation consists of bible verses.

This movie was so awful, it was fun to watch at times.  Except for the private detective, Sam Starr. It was all I could do not to fast-forward every time he was on screen. His exasperated grunts hurt my soul. And the editor thought that adding the ONE cartoony spring sound effect over and over would somehow make him funnier.

Introducing Sam Starr

The old couple woke me up, since they actually tried to emote something. And the family devotion scene was so weird, I’m not sure what was going on. Maybe I’ll just blame the editor for that. Though to be fair, watching ANY family devotion would probably be weird.

At least the Psalty videos hired real actors. But I’m sure the Mr. Button videos couldn’t afford such things, so the cast consists of preachers and their families.

Lost in Silver Canyon – edited down for your viewing pleasure

silver canyon video

The “Actors”

Vittorio Aversano plays the prospector mime. I can’t say for sure if he’s done other film work. There is one credit in IMDB, for a television show called Savage Journey, from 1983. Maybe it had a mime.

David Mook plays the preacher leading the kids to camp. The one on the bus who tells them they are all going to die some day.

Turns out he’s a real preacher (surprise, surprise), and is currently the reverend at Phoenix Free Presbyterian Church. He studied Dramatic Production at Bob Jones University, so I suppose it’s nice he was able to use his degree.

DeWitt Jones was the “lovable and fun” private detective Sam Starr. I’m not 100% sure, but I believe he is the same DeWitt Jones: professional photographer, with an impressive resume. He studied drama and film-making while in college, but thank god he switched to photography.

Then there’s the family.

Vanessa Baker is the little girl, who tends to forget where she is. Is this Vanessa now? An attorney in Washington state?

Wes Baker plays Wes, the preacher Dad. I’m guessing he’s Vanessa’s real dad, given the name. Wes studied Radio-Television production at Bob Jones University, probably where he met David Mook. Currently he’s at Cedarville University.

Finally there’s Joe Kimpel, the prayer warrior. He prays no less than 15 billion times in this movie. Do you know Joe Kimpel? Is this Joe , a comic book creator? I can’t decide if this is the same guy, but maybe he’ll find this post and set things straight.

Tell us Joe, were YOU the one lost in silver canyon?

Joe Kimpel of Silver Canyon fame? Or just some dude named Joe Kimpel.

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