Super Kids: The Final Chapter

21 Jan


Commander Kellie & the Superkids

The Sword (VHS) (1997)

Kellie Copeland as Commander Kellie
Ryan Brockington as Paul   
Elizabeth Stewart as Missy
Jenny Van Wagner as Valerie
Stephen Glenn as Rapper
Joel Davis as Alex
Kenneth Copeland as Daniel Lyon
General Dread as Derek Southers
Professor Timothean as Dennis O’Neill  (the casting director)

The last adventure of Super Kids! Every movie starts with small talk, you know, to introduce the characters. Rapper apparently thinks footballers are sissys in pads. I thought he said something else. It’s a lively conversation, until “Buzzkill” Valerie butts in.

NME is at it again of course. Something about them creating a super weapon called “The Sword”, and the kids of the world are being lied to. General Fear is a bad dude, and his sword machine is not to be trifled with.

And Major Dread is just a big stupid evil teddy bear.

How could you be scared of this guy

Last movie, Paul (Ryan Brockington) was the main star, and I would say Valerie (Jenny Van Wagner) was showcased in this movie. She got the solos, and she got the “I’m-a-more-awesome-Christian-than-all-y’all” lines to read.

Valerie vs. General Fear’s sword machine

Jenny Van Wagner still works for the church. She’s on facebook if you care.

With the Super Kids quickly becoming not kids, there were a lot of little kids in this movie. Come on Jesus, lay down the child labor laws.

There was a seemingly random exchange in the beginning between Commander Kellie and a young Russia girl. She shows up, they speak Russian… then she leaves. Strange.

Then I remembered that the last movie had a rather ugly Russian woman as part of NME’s team. She was straight out of some cold war propaganda movie, only worse.

 I’m thinking little Natasha (is that really the only name they could come up with?) was some cleanup after the Copeland’s received some flack for their offensive stereotype.

 Especially since right after little Natasha leaves, a little boy walks up… “Kellie, does Jesus speak Russian?”

 Kellie should have back handed the stupid out of that kid. What kind of question is that?! No,  he’s still saving up for Rosetta Stone.

 “Yes, yes, we know Russians can be Christians. okay? Can you stop sending letters now, please?”

So the excitement continues as a new cadet is introduced to the Super Kids! Only the girls are bummed, because C.J. is yet another boy cadet. No one new to shop with <sob>

Or is he?….

Some kind of Elec…tronic Destruc…tive.. De..vice

Oh those baseball caps. They’ll get you every time.

Not too spoil it for you, but C.J. is a spy from NME. You see? She’s sneaky. With the boy disguise and the bad acting… she is up to no good.

Next, the NME has a brilliant plan. They create fake super kids, that General Fear dubs the “Fake Super Kids”.

Fake Super Kids

I can’t quite figure out what we are supposed to think of them. Are they making fun of the super kids? Are they supposed to be dancing in an evil way somehow? The choreography is off, is that a sin?

As far as parody Captains go, Kathryn Janeway (or I guess they call her Kate Mulgrew now), wins that one with her role in NTSF:SD:SUV.

Good god that show is funny.

Kate, you'll always be my only Captain

But I digress…

The Super Kids and some new lil’ Super Kids fight back, and destroy the Sword machine. Then C.J. tries to kill Commander Kellie, but fails after her dad sacrifices himself.  Finally C.J. joins the Super Kids and God wins, yay.

Look how cute these lil’ Super Kids are!

You know, I looked into this Super Kids manual book, and have you read this thing?! It’s disgusting!

“Hey Caleb, here’s today’s verse from the Super Kids manual”
“Ezekiel twenty three, twenty. There she lusted after her lovers, whose genitals were like those of donkeys and whose emission was like that of horses.”
“Hmm. You know, let’s try Dr. Suess.”

The songs in this movie made me fall asleep, so I’m not even going to post them.

Goodbye Super Kids, you’ve filled our lives with.. um.. well, goodbye Super Kids.

See us out Rapper!

wait, was that a boob glance?

7 Responses to “Super Kids: The Final Chapter”

  1. jaymacnewie October 5, 2012 at 7:13 am #

    Actually, there was a fourth movie with an even larger budget called “Judgment: The Trial of Commander Kellie”. It was released in 1999 with virtually all the same cast and Daniel Lyon, General Fear & Darkmaster all return!

  2. Mid March 3, 2013 at 9:30 am #

    Actually, Natasha was her real name and she was truly a Russian…her family had moved to the states just a while before this was filmed.

    It’s not a Superkids movie, but if you want to see something “interesting” you should check out The Rally. It’s on Netflix. I’m sure you’d get a great blog from it.

    • Haeker May 14, 2013 at 4:52 pm #

      And while you’re at it, some other titles I’ve personally gotten a kick out of: Flywheel, Fireproof, Facing the Giants, and Courageous.

      I wonder what happened to these kids? Couldn’t find ’em all grown up, except for one or two.

  3. Jayda Brown August 4, 2014 at 6:38 pm #

    After reliving my childhood memories of Commander Kellie and the Superkids, I did some searching on one of the main stars Ryan Brockington who played Paul is gay and is also married to a man named Issac, just thought you liked to know.

  4. Kristin July 15, 2015 at 1:51 pm #

    If you’re an atheist, and you in fact don’t believe in a God then why on earth are you ridiculing those who do? Why spend all this time on a God and on his followers that you claim to not believe in? Ah… Because you do believe, you hate God. You waste countless hours hating on wholesome shows like Gospel Bill because you hate God, and you want everyone else to hate him too.

    You really need to focus on your life and your salvation, and stop stalking these people. Basically you need to get a life.

    • thriftstorereligion July 16, 2015 at 6:07 pm #

      You certainly don’t have to hate this stuff… I actually find it quite amusing. To answer your questions.. ridicule is an excellent way to show just how silly some stuff is. And while I do not believe in God, I DO believe in the existence of believers, and some of them do silly, stupid things, because they believe God wants them to. And often times, I find that hilarious.

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